An Elephant's Journal

I made it through the first week back at work and it was excruciating. Physically, I was unaccustomed to the new routine, getting up early and driving through heavy traffic during rush hour. Though I’d done that for many years before this, doing it now with broken, shallow sleep takes some getting used to. Also there are so many things to pack and bring before we leave the house that by the time I hit the traffic, I am already tired. More than anything though, I missed my baby terribly. Some mornings I was crying after dropping him off and had to put on my sunnies so the other drivers on the road wouldn’t think I’m mad. He is happy, alert, gurgly and smiley in the mornings and I just hated that I had to leave him. I missed feeding him while I’m at work, looking at his cute little face as he latched on and suckling away. I now cherish every nursing session even more as they are just such precious time with him.   I will imagine his drinking facial expressions and the c...

This marks the end of my time as a stay at home mom, as I head back to work and we all start a new routine this week. We just dropped him off at the baby-sitter half hour ago and it will be the longest ever that I’d be away from him – for the entire duration of a working day. I’d known and dreaded this day since months ago, the “Day 61” (because the statutory paid maternity leave in this country is 2 months / 60 days and you return to work on Day 61 or thereabouts; but I took an additional month off so today is Day I-Cannot-Count). We’d prepared for this day for weeks, buying the necessary things to put in the babysitter’s place, planning out logistics and most importantly, pumping / calculating to ensure he has enough milk for the whole day. I’m a bit sad but not as maudlin as I thought I’d be (though it’s barely been an hour, will check back a few hours later). I know in principle that it’s good for all of us since I do have to return to work, and it’ll actually give my...